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 Shabbat Parashat Vayechi 5781Ask the Rabbi: Eat Meat on Shabbat when it Bothers his Wife?Rav Daniel MannQuestion: My wife and I are relatively newly married. I am used to having fleishig Shabbat meals, whereas my wife is disgusted by meat (including poultry, mainly by the smell). Is it right for us to stop having meat at Shabbat/Yom Tov meals or should we try to figure out an arrangement that my wife can live with? Answer: There is a mandate of “v’karata laShabbat oneg” (you shall call Shabbat a day of indulgence) (Yeshayahu 58:13). The gemara (Shabbat 118a-b, as does the pasuk ibid.) promises great reward for those who indulge properly in Shabbat meals, and the Mishna Berura (242:1) cites opinions that the basic obligation is from the Torah. The basic obligation of the two main meals of Shabbat is to have bread (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 274:4) and [preferably wine for] Kiddush. But as far back as we know, it has been customary that the festivity of these meals includes meat, and meat features prominently in the sources. The Shulchan Aruch (OC 250:2) states: “He should have much meat, wine, and treats according to his ability.” While one should not normally nullify oaths on Shabbat, one may do so for a need of the day. The Shulchan Aruch (OC 341:1) gives an example of undoing an oath not to eat on that Shabbat, and the Mishna Berura (341:2) applies this even to an oath not to eat meat because “eating meat is a mitzva on Shabbat.” However, there is strong evidence that there is no obligation to eat specifically meat (or poultry) on Shabbat. An onen’s (one before the burial of a close relative) prohibition to eat meat or drink wine is suspended on Shabbat (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 341:1). Rabbeinu Yona (Berachot 10b), accepted by the Rama (ad loc.) and the Shach (ad loc. 7), says the onen is not required to eat meat if he does not want to because it is not an obligation to have specifically meat. The Mishna Berura (ibid., in Sha’ar Hatziyun 341:4) said that the Shabbat need justifying nullifying oaths is not limited to meat specifically but to any food that makes Shabbat enjoyable. The Mishna Berura (242:1) posits that the foods mentioned in the gemara as appropriate for Shabbat are examples based on their time and place, and that we generally assume that meat is festive in people’s eyes, but that this need not be across-the-board. If any food preference (besides bread) is somewhat objective it is fish, as it includes a mystical element, and even there it is not required for those who dislike it (see ibid. 2). So clearly, your wife should not eat meat if it bothers her in any way. But I understand your question not to be about your wife eating meat, but whether meat should be served for you or guests, who do appreciate it. Let us assume that you cannot find a technical system, such as your preparing a meat-based food whose smell does not offend your wife, but that she is capable of putting up with it with sacrifice (as she probably does as a guest of others or at semachot).  Top of page Print this page Send to friend |
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Vayechi 5781
Vayechi 5781
