The gemara[1] says: “One should always set his table on Motzaei Shabbat, even if he needs only a k’zayit [of food].” Rashi explains that it is an honor to Shabbat to “escort” it, just as one escorts a king when he leaves. Various authorities add esoteric reasons for melaveh malka. Some say there is a crucial bone in the body (involved with techiyat hameitim[2]) that is nourished by food eaten on Motzaei Shabbat.[3] Another idea is that eating after Shabbat extends the sanctity of Shabbat meals onto weekday eating.[4] Some say it is a segula for women for easy childbirth.[5] Despite all the sources and benefits attributed to it, however, melaveh malka has a long history of not being observed by the masses, as acknowledged by authorities who emphasized the importance of adhering to it.[6]
It is unclear to what extent melaveh malka is a minor but binding obligation, a proper practice,[7] and/or a spiritual opportunity. It is also tricky to implement melaveh malka because there are many things mentioned by one or more poskim to enhance the practice (we will mention only some) but little about which there is a consensus.
The gemara, after the above quote, mentions both (hot) bread and meat, which some people, like your husband, consider factors to be careful about.[8] However, the gemara implies[9] that the main factor is actually the setting of the table; the food seems to be an afterthought (“even … a k’zayit”) or that which makes the table “the stage.” Nevertheless, many people who are machmir regarding eating ignore such elements mentioned by poskim as a nice tablecloth, place setting, and candles – essentials of kavod modeled after Shabbat. On the other hand, some of the reasons given for melaveh malka do indeed focus on food, as do the stories the gemara tells about the practice of melaveh malka.
Some of the preferred ways mentioned to fulfill melaveh malka seem to be mutually exclusive. For example, it is best to have a melaveh malka soon after Shabbat, and it is best to cook for it after Shabbat. One solution that satisfies both is to eat something right away for the melaveh malka with Shabbat ambience and to start preparing in order to continue eating later on.[10]
Is there room for leniency not to have a melaveh malka? Besides the possibility that it is not halachically required, there is a respected opinion[11] that any eating at seuda shlishit that takes place after nightfall (whose exact time is unclear) counts as a melaveh malka. The Tehilla L’Dovid[12] presents a cogent argument that since we treat that time as Shabbat, seuda shlishit cannot count for melaveh malka, but this does not delegitimize the lenient opinion.[13] Many poskim[14] say that one can fulfill melaveh malka without a full meal, even with fruit. This is logical considering the important opinions that maintain that this suffices even for the greater obligation of seuda shlishit.[15]
Women do have some extra leeway for leniency because melaveh malka is a time-based mitzva.[16] On the other hand, we assume that women are obligated in such mitzvot when they relate to Shabbat (e.g., Havdala and seuda shlishit[17]), as all agree regarding Kiddush.[18] Furthermore, many women will desire their share of the aforementioned spiritual treasures.[19]
In summary, your husband’s practices are positive, although there is flexibility for doing more or doing less. You have incrementally more room for leniency than he does, but we recommend that you have at least some food in a respectable setting in honor of Shabbat after it has departed.[20]