The mishna and gemara[1] give instructions to avoid the accidental eating of milk and meat together. One directive is that one who is eating cheese should not bring meat, including poultry, to the table. The gemara is bothered: if, as we rule, poultry with milk is forbidden only rabbinically, this is a gezeira l’gezeira (an injunction on an injunction). In other words, the mistake that the Rabbis’ legislation is intended to avoid is itself only a rabbinic prohibition. As a rule, this is an improper injunction. The gemara, after pointing out that there is a Torah prohibition only when the milk and meat have been cooked together, concludes that the concern that justifies the gezeira is that one might mix the two in a steaming hot pot on the table.
Several Acharonim cite the Beit Yaakov, who extends the aforementioned gezeira to one who is not eating meat now but has eaten meat within the past six hours and thus may not yet eat milk products. Most of those who cite this opinion reject it.[2] The most prominent rejecter of this stringency (chumra) is the Pri Megadim,[3] who cryptically makes two points that hit the nail on the head for us. One is that the gemara was concerned that the gezeira regulating people eating milk and meat at one table at the same time was overextended. It finally constructed a case wherein one might violate a Torah law if some meat at the table ended up in a hot pot of milk. However, in the case at hand, meat is not present. Rather, Chazal extended the prohibition of eating meat and milk that were cooked together to requiring one to wait six hours[4] after eating meat before having dairy. We have no right to extend the gezeira even further than the gemara and Shulchan Aruch spell out.
The Pri Megadim and others make a second point, which is a crucial general one you should internalize and share with other halacha-observant people. He writes, “I have not seen people being careful about this.” Why should what ordinary people do concern the Pri Megadim when he is weighing his scholarly opinion against that of the Beit Yaakov? The answer is that the great majority of halachic authorities have taken the minhag ha’olam (widespread common practice) very seriously when determining halacha. We have been in many observant homes without seeing this chumra implemented, and few have even heard of it. Admittedly, if a consensus of sources indicates that a minhag ha’olam appears to violate a Torah law, it is a serious matter, requiring rabbinic guidance. In this case, however, most poskim reject the chumra, and the worst-case scenario involves an extension of a rabbinic prohibition. In our opinion, the talmid chacham erred in his ruling. Perhaps he said it in the context of a group of people who believe in adopting practically every chumra they can find.[5] However, our understanding is that you want to follow halacha in a serious but mainstream manner. It is complex enough[6] to deal with situations where one learns that his parents are clearly acting incorrectly. We certainly consider it counterproductive to adopt off-the-beaten-track chumrot without there being a special justification. It is especially wrong if your parents see this behavior as a repudiation of the system of halacha they taught you or begin to view your approach to halacha as erratic rather than careful.