It is difficult to know what the biggest mitzva is in a given situation. Furthermore, the question of a mitzva’s “size,” although asked with beautiful intentions, is not the right one. The real question is: what does HaShem want us to do?
People spend a large part of their days attending to such mundane needs as sleeping, eating, etc. These may not be the most uplifting activities, but HaShem created us in such a way that they are necessary and expected. Although it is best not to spend more time than necessary on these activities, it is wrong to neglect them significantly over time. One needs to learn how to properly allocate her time.
Just as there are basic, bodily needs, there are also other needs and responsibilities that, as HaShem created man and his society, need to be addressed. Such time-consuming activities as earning a living, tending to a house and a myriad of other family needs have both mundane and spiritual elements to them. (When one performs mundane tasks with the intention of advancing important matters in life, the tasks take on a spiritual quality.) A husband is required by halacha[1] to support his wife in a respectable manner, and, under normal circumstances, should not forsake this obligation with the excuse that he is too busy doing some other “bigger mitzva.” A wife is usually required to take care of several household needs.[2] She should not, under normal circumstances, neglect them with the logical sounding excuse that she is so busy with chesed[3] that she has no time to take care of her familial obligations.
Even when involved in chesed, one should not seek only the chesed that is, objectively, the “biggest.” For example, one is required to give tzedaka to one’s needy relatives before giving to non-relatives,[4] even if the latter are needier.[5] Similarly, learning Torah, which is the most prominent of all mitzvot, is, nevertheless, pushed aside by “smaller” mitzvot that are incumbent upon a person at given times.
The critical element here is having the proper balance between “more mundane” activities (which would even include mitzvot that are one’s personal obligations) and the fulfillment of some special chesed or mitzva opportunities that requires putting normal activities on hold. To a great extent, it is halacha’s job to instruct a person how to achieve a balance between conflicting, positive activities. (For example, the Aruch HaShulchan[6] rules that, although relatives have precedence regarding tzedaka, it is clear that one who can afford it must set aside funds for poor people who are not his relatives). However, halacha cannot address every scenario that may arise in a person’s life. Additionally, different people who are trying to ascertain the best way to serve HaShem may require different answers based on their different abilities and circumstances. Therefore, many decisions are left to the individual. One must be aware of the great value of family and professional obligations, as well as the critical importance of Torah study, chesed, and other mitzvot. Then she has tools to try to implement the sage advice: “It is good that you seize this, but also from the other do not withdraw your hand.”[7]