We will begin with a discussion of the possibilities and preferences as to what one should/can do when he does have time to light candles at the place where he will be staying.
In general, the best place for Shabbat candle lighting is where the Shabbat meal will take place.[1] However, if the homeowner is lighting there, there would seem to be little point in adding arguably meaningless lights. The Shulchan Aruch[2] writes that if a guest has no place to light and no one is lighting for him at home, he should become a partner in the homeowners’ lighting. This is rarely practiced nowadays, however. In this context, the Mishna Berura[3] cites a relevant ruling of the Magen Avraham in the context of Chanuka lighting. The Magen Avraham[4] states that if a guest relies on the homeowner for his needs (especially those regarding food, which is very common), the guest has no personal obligation to light his own Chanuka candles.
However, even a guest who is exempt from lighting because of someone else’s lighting has an obligation to light in a room that is provided specifically for his purposes.[5] Therefore, you ideally should have lit in the place where you were sleeping, as the entire house was provided for your use. In fact, many poskim always prefer this location over the location of the meal,[6] and this is the prevalent minhag among Sephardim.[7] Indeed, although the Ashkenazi minhag is to light with a beracha where one eats, as we noted, it is difficult to justify this minhag in a case in which the homeowner has already lit there.[8]
While poskim often discuss lighting in one’s bedroom, it would appear to be anachronistic to light there. The point of having light in a room on Shabbat is to avoid tripping over things,[9] which would detract from tranquility in the home. Nowadays, however, few people would ensure their tranquility by having a lit candle in their bedroom. Rather, they would consider an electric nightlight or light from the hall or window to be preferable to a candle. In many ways, electric lights remove the need for Shabbat candles. Nevertheless, we assume that the Rabbinic mandate of kindling a natural flame still adds honor and extra festive light to Shabbat.[10] If one is sleeping in another person’s house, lighting a candle in the normal place where that person lights adds honor and can be used upon returning there from the meal. Certainly, when the homeowners have not designated a secure place to light in the bedroom for the guests, one has no halachic right to assume permission to light a candle and endanger the house.[11] In such cases, one can and should turn on the electric lights,[12] having in mind to use them to thereby fulfill the mitzva of lighting candles. It is likely that this counts for the mitzva,[13] in addition to providing the proper light to enjoy Shabbat, as the Rabbis intended.
If one lights before leaving his home or does so in the place he will be sleeping, he must ensure that he will derive benefit from the light on Shabbat itself. The suggested way to enable this is to make sure the candles are long enough that they will last until one returns to them.[14] In your case, however, this was not feasible, as you were not returning at all on Friday night, and you could not make it on time to light at your destination. If it was already beginning to get dark, you might have been able to light before you left and then receive benefit from the candles before leaving, by performing an activity that the candlelight makes more pleasant.[15] Benefitting before leaving would work, however, only if the wife accepted Shabbat at that time (i.e., she did not need to do melacha afterward), so that she has “Shabbat benefit” even before nightfall. Sephardi women who do not always accept Shabbat with candle lighting[16] would need to intend to accept Shabbat early under such circumstances.[17]
The best thing to do in such a situation is to appoint a shaliach[18] to light candles where you will be on Shabbat.[19] If you are an Ashkenazi woman, this would be where you are planning to eat. If you are a Sephardi woman, someone lighting safely at the neighbors’ home is best. In any case, it might help and would not hurt if one who is anyway lighting in the place you are eating were to add extra candles on your behalf, without reciting an additional beracha.