It is generally difficult for one to decide whether someone else should be stringent. In this case, the intention to be stringent in terms of the time of afikoman often causes reduced observance of other elements of the seder. In addition to the feelings of a wife/(grand)mother who slaved to prepare a meal fit for those celebrating liberation, there is also the issue of curtailing the mitzva d’orayta (from the Torah) of sipur y’tzi’at Mitzrayim (telling the story of the Exodus) or rushing the children, whom Chazal saw as central figures in the seder experience. Therefore, one cannot compare the situation of those who can easily reach the target of chatzot with a little planning with those who have understandable difficulty. Study of the sources is needed to put the matter into perspective.
There are two main elements of the mitzva of eating the afikoman. Firstly, it is part of the mitzva to eat matza on the seder night, and, according to a minority of Rishonim,[1] is the main fulfillment of this mitzva. Secondly, as the Rosh[2] stresses, the afikoman is a reminder of the Korban Pesach, which we no longer have. Therefore, like the Korban Pesach, it is eaten on a relatively full stomach and is not to be followed by other food.
By when do these elements need to be fulfilled? Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria and Rabbi Akiva dispute whether the Korban Pesach must be eaten by chatzot or by the morning.[3] Rava[4] says that the time for eating the Korban Pesach is also the time for eating matza. Thus, both aforementioned elements of the afikoman depend on this machloket. The Rambam[5] and, apparently, the Rif pasken like Rabbi Akiva, that we have until the morning. Yet, the Shulchan Aruch[6] writes: “One should be careful to eat [the afikoman] before chatzot.” This statement must either have been made out of deference to those who pasken like Rabbi Elazar or because Rav Akiva agrees that one should distance himself from possible sin and eat the Korban Pesach and the matza by chatzot.[7]
Usually, the terminology of “one should be careful,” when used in the Shulchan Aruch, is somewhat more than a suggestion but somewhat less than an outright, binding halachic decision. This is logical based on the sources we have seen. We must remember also that we are not talking about eating either the Korban Pesach itself or our first matza of the night after chatzot, only the additional matza for the purpose of the afikoman.[8]
Therefore, the following guidelines should provide a good balance. Try to start the seder promptly. Proceed through it without looking at the face of the clock, but at the faces of the children and others who should be learning, sharing, and enjoying the full experience of the seder. It is during the meal that one should start trying to “make it by chatzot.” It is best for all concerned to get used to the idea that there is usually too much food at the seder. If less is prepared, and we remember that there are seven or eight days to partake in the bounty, there will be less chance of insult should it be decided to skip dessert. Also, although the afikoman should be eaten on a full stomach, it is best that some appetite be left for its consumption.[9] However, habits are hard to break, and feelings should not be ignored.
(Some are aware of a sharp halachic trick to obviate the problem. It has both merit and potential problems and is beyond the scope of our discussion.[10])