The basic mitzva of neirot Chanuka is to have one candle per night per household. A higher level (mehadrin) is to light a candle for each person, and an even higher level (mehadrin min hamehadrin) is to have the number of lights increase corresponding to the day of Chanuka.[2] Rishonim disagree whether mehadrin min hamehadrin replaces the mehadrin practice (Tosafot[3]), in which case the number of candles for the entire household equals the number of that day of Chanuka, or whether both apply (Rambam[4]), and the number of candles per person equals the number of the day. Ashkenazim follow the Rambam’s approach (approximately), whereas Sephardim follow Tosafot’s.[5] Therefore, for Sephardim, the husband/father alone traditionally lights the candles.
A woman is obligated in the mitzva of neirot Chanuka.[6] There is even a clear consensus that she may light on behalf of a man.[7] The question is whether the Ashkenazic practice of mehadrin min hamehadrin, where all members of the household light their own neirot Chanuka, also applies to women.
The Rambam[8] writes that the number of candles, which depends upon the number of people of the house, is based on the number of both men and women. This makes perfect sense, as women are obligated like men. (We should note that the Rambam implies that even within the practice of mehadrin min hamehadrin, only one person lights; it is just that the quantity is adjusted by the number of people. However, Ashkenazic practice is that each person lights for himself.) As time went on, though, it appears that different minhagim surfaced, which differ from what one might have expected. The Maharshal[9] and Eliyah Rabba[10] say that a wife does not light separately from her husband because, as the latter explains, a wife forms one unit with her husband (ishto k’gufo). This concept, a reflection of marital unity, has implications in various areas of halacha. This implies that daughters should and probably did light.
Later poskim noted that, in their times and places, girls did not actually light, and several explanations were given for the phenomenon (often a sign that each is tenuous). The most famous reason was offered by the Chatam Sofer,[11] who says that since the procedure was to light outdoors and it was not considered modest for women to congregate among men from other families, the practice that everyone lights was not extended to them. The Mishna Berura[12] cites the Olat Shmuel, who says that although women are not required to light separately and are included in the men’s lighting, they may light if they want, even with a beracha. Rav S.Z. Auerbach[13] explains that opinion as follows: If one naturally fulfills his requirement by means of someone else’s action and for no good reason intends not to be included but to do it himself, there may be an issue of an unnecessary beracha. However, since here there is a reason (even though not an obligation) for a woman to want to do mehadrin min hamehadrin by lighting her own Chanuka candles, the beracha is not considered unnecessary. These poskim do not say that a girl should not light; they explain how a minhag for them not to could have developed.
Many girls and women, including married women, have the minhag to light within the family setting.[14] There is, however, logic to distinguish between girls and wives. A girl can be proud (without belittling those with a different minhag) to perform the mitzva according to the simple Ashkenazic approach to mehadrin min hamehadrin. Regarding a wife, however, there are classical sources[15] and a clear explanation why not to light individually. Thus, she may be content to represent the household weekly when lighting the Shabbat candles and let her husband have the privilege with the Chanuka candles. If she does light, it may be wise to avoid possible unnecessary berachot by using her husband’s beracha to cover her lighting as well. There are other halachically plausible compromise possibilities, but we refer to the main practices with which we are familiar.